it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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