You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
