we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
