im about as happy as oj after his trial
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Also, beer. Big fan.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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