I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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