You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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