this just has baby written all over it
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
