Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
