i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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