We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
