My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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