Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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