2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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