Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
