yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
