Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
