What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
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the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
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I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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