oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
