the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
