it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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