bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
