Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
