So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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