fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
