I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
