i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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