Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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