i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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