he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
