The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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