I can text with my tongue
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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