she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
