I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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