Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
