i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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