Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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