That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
