Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
