I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
