It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
