We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize