Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize