If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
