Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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