This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
