I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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