You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
