Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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