If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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