There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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