...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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