Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
wow bdsm is so cute
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
