Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
