So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
