Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
