why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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