I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
