i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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