I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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