I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
In America we eat man semen.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
