Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
