thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
