you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
