why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Can I color on your dick again?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
