Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
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i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
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I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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