I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
