in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Fuck appropriateness.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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