I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
