because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
This baby is an asshole
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
