FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
