life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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