worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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