Quick, to the slutcave!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
